Staring at the Mess I've made
by Norte Migly
Summary: Jeanne has found out the truth about Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo and now Tony's sitting in his apartment alone with a note from Jeanne and is feeling alone. This will also feature the NCIS team. The song 'The Mess I Made' by Parachute gave me an idea for this fiction.
1. I'm Staring at the Mess I made

_"Jeanne…please, I love you. Look, I know I lied," I began uneasily. "You lied to me to get to my father!" said Jeanne shaking her head, tears pooling in her sea-blue eyes. "Jeanne, it isn't like that. I mean, it was at first. I had that mission, but Jeanne—I love you. Falling in love with you was not part of my mission," I tried to explain knowing I caused her serious pain. "Stop Tony, just stop. I can't do this. I can't be with you," said Jeanne. "I've never loved anyone like the way I love you, Jeanne. Please, just stay," I whispered reaching for her hand, the platinum bracelet Jeanne had given me showed from beneath my suit. "Please Jeanne," I whispered quietly. Jeanne's hand touched mine and she met my green eyes, I blinked hard to try to keep the tears from falling and Jeanne slowly pulled her hand away. "I can't Anthony…I'm sorry," whispered Jeanne grabbing two suitcases, I grabbed two more and there was still one left. I was hoping by time we would come back up to the apartment I could convince her to stay._

_ "Jeanne…I never meant to fall in love with you, I never meant to get connected like this—it just happened," I admitted as we put the suitcases in the taxi's trunk. We walked back inside and took an elevator up to the apartment. "I never meant for you to fall for me, either, Jeanne. I know I made a mess…I made a big mess—but…let me fix this, let me fix this mess and let me fix your heart," I said quietly as she picked up the last suitcase. "Please," I said my voice now on the verge of breaking. Jeanne reached into her coat and handed me an envelope and she kissed my cheek. "I loved you, Anthony DiNardo—DiNozzo…I loved you a lot…but I can't be with you," said Jeanne turning on her heel and walking towards the door. "Jeanne—it's you that I love, it's you that I need…please. I would chose you any day…" I began knowing my world was spinning out of full control. Jeanne met my eyes for one last time as she reached the door. "I…I'm sorry," I whispered. "I know…goodbye Anthony" replied Jeanne quietly and she shut the door behind her and I stood in place knowing running after her would do nothing and I tightened my grip on the letter. I slowly walked towards the wall and slid against it so I was sitting on the floor with my back against the wall. _

_**Dear Anthony DiNardo/DiNozzo,**_

_**Tony…we are in a mess aren't we? You did many things; you used me, you made me fall for you, you made me trust you, you taught me that the heart is sometimes the most sensitive organ in the body, you were romantic and you put the idea in my mind that one day we would get married. But you also used me, Tony. You used me to get to my father; you lied to me about your last name and job. You broke my trust, but more importantly, you've broken my heart. You've made quite the mess. This is hurting me Tony, but I have to move on. I can't be with you ever again. I can't stay with you; I can't stay in D.C. anymore. I'm moving to France. I'm happy you did your job, but I'm not happy that the outcome has turned out like this. My father's gone now because of your mission leaving me fatherless and motherless. There's no reason for me to stay in the United States now. Please don't come after me, I just need to know one thing, Anthony…was any of this real? Below is the address I'll be living at for the next month before finding my own apartment.**_

_**Jeanne Anne Benoit. **_

_I grabbed one piece of paper and a pen and I took a deep breath. Of course it was real, of course I, Anthony Dominic DiNozzo fell in love during an Undercover Operation. Of course Jeanne taught me how to trust, how to love properly—but I got too attached to the mission and I should've pulled out. I never should've gotten this close—and agreeing to move into an apartment with Jeanne? I should've known that was a sign I was getting too close. I toyed with the bracelet staring at the blank piece of paper before deciding to be honest. _

_**Jeanne,**_

_**Yes. **_

_**Special Agent Anthony Dominic DiNozzo.**_

_I folded the letter—I sent some B.S. email to Gibbs about feeling sick and thinking I needed the rest of the week off which was just two more days and then the team was off rotation. I sent the same email to Director Jenny Sheppard and I forced myself up, I grabbed my jacket from the couch and I walked out not bothering to lock the door behind me and I decided to walk around and find a blue mail box drop off. I sent the letter and I stood in the cold wind before making my way towards my favorite Italian restaurant and I entered the restaurant. "Antonio!" greeted the owner's wife, Rosalina. "Ciao," (Hello) I greeted in Italian. "How are you?" she asked. "I'm great," I lied masking my features beautifully. "Where is Jeanne?" the elderly woman asked me and I felt my heart break at that question. "She's not feeling well…I told her I'd buy us some nice wine from here and bring her some of your best soup for tonight," I lied and the woman ran off getting me the best wine and her best soup and I paid for it. "Bye" she said and I waved goodbye and walked back to my apartment._

_I turned on Frank Sinatra and slid against the wall where I left Jeanne's note and I poured wine into the glass and I sat there not feeling hungry but feeling sick to my stomach. I never even told Gibbs what was going on this past year and a half. I never told him I moved, I don't think he knows either because I haven't given him any reason to come over nor have I invited anyone over the past six months when Jeanne and I moved in together. I never should've gotten connected, nor should I had gotten so attached. I should've told Jenny to leave me out of her personal affairs because I just couldn't handle this. All the team knew was that there was a woman in my life and they'd seen her once. Other than that, they didn't know her name or anything. _

_Since Gibbs came back, McGee and Ziva have high-praised Gibbs and followed his every move like he was going to leave or something. They didn't care about what was going on. Only Ducky and Jimmy knew about Jeanne though I never told them it was for a mission—they both knew. And once more, only those two knew about my new apartment and they both knew Jeanne and knew what was going on. They could see the turmoil it was having on me yet they were there when I needed to talk or needed advice though this mission was just supposed to be between Sheppard and I, I didn't want to lie to two people who would be there while Abby, Ziva and McGee get their fair share of Gibbs. Abby, who's supposed to be like my little sister doesn't even know of Jeanne. _

The sound of knocking brought me from my thoughts and I looked up towards the door. The apartment was pretty much empty of all of Jeanne's belongings and I forced myself to stand up. I dragged my feet towards the door rubbing my tear-stained face and making sure no tears were going to escape. It probably was Jimmy or Ducky and I didn't even bother looking as I opened the door. "Hey," I greeted one or the other weakly as I stared at my feet. When I got no response I looked up and instead of meeting Jimmy's light blue eyes or Ducky's caring blue eyes, I met the icy blue eyes of a Special Agent by the name of Leroy Jethro Gibbs. "Boss," I said looking at my watch which read '10:23 a.m,' "Shouldn't you be at work?" I asked looking up at him. "You said in your email you were sick," commented Gibbs. "I'm just feeling off, Boss. I'll be back on my feet by Monday and I'll be at the Yard by 0800, okay?" I asked going to close my door but Gibbs hand stopped it along with his foot. "Why didn't you tell me you moved, DiNozzo?" asked Gibbs.

I shrugged. "It never came up, anyways—I think I'm going to head to bed, Boss. So…I'll see you Monday," I said once more attempting to shut the door. "What are you hiding from me, DiNozzo?" asked Gibbs and I shook my head. "Nothing," I said. "You've never taken a sick day even when you were sick. When you had the Plague, you were supposed to take two weeks off and you convinced me to only let you take one week" commented Gibbs. "That was four years ago, people change," I said shrugging. "You should know about that while you went on your little…vacation," I commented. Gibbs didn't budge. "What's going on Tony?" asked Gibbs, his voice taking on a new gentler tone. "It's nothing, Boss. Listen, I'm just really not feeling up to work, okay?" I asked. "You always invite me in," said Gibbs ignoring me. "That's what this is about? I didn't tell you I moved and now I'm not inviting you in? Well fine, come on in, Boss. Make yourself at home," I said frustrated and I turned my back to him walking towards the beer. "Beer?" I asked. "Maybe when I'm not on Duty," said Gibbs and I shrugged. "I'm not on duty," I commented grabbing myself one and brewing a pot of coffee. "Your coffee will be ready in a while," I said from the kitchen, I could barely hear Gibbs moving around the living room but I knew he was checking everything out.

_I moved stealthily from the front door to the kitchen where Jeanne had her back to me and she was cooking pasta. I smiled slowly moving across the room, slowly and quietly so she wouldn't hear me and suddenly I wrapped my arms around her, putting my face in the crook of her neck with a smile as I heard her scream in surprise. She turned to face me, a spoon in hand. "You, Mr. Professor Anthony DiNardo are not funny!" she said trying to keep an angry face on but I simply smiled and she began to smile. "I'm a Ninja" I said. "You certainly are," agreed Jeanne wrapped her arms around my neck as I pulled her closer and wrapped my arms around her waist so our hips were touching. She leaned in to kiss me and I closed my eyes. "I love you," whispered Jeanne and I smiled. She broke my fear of saying 'I love you' and I smiled wider. "I love you too" I replied quietly._

"Tony?" asked Gibbs and I blinked hard forcing the memory to go away. "Hey…your coffee's ready? See anything you didn't like?" I asked, praying he hadn't seen the note I left on the floor. Instead he simply held up the note and my smile faltered. "What's this about?" he asked and I shook my head pouring the coffee and handing him the cup. "It doesn't matter; I don't get it, Boss. Why are you here?" I asked. "Because DiNozzo—I told you. You never called in sick ever, and now…you do. Something wasn't right," began Gibbs. "Or were you just sick of Ziva and McGeek praising you?" I challenged. "Maybe Abby's hugs towards the Silver Fox were becoming too much," I offered shaking my head. "It doesn't matter what that is about anymore because," I began but someone knocked. "Because why?" asked Gibbs. "It just doesn't," I said going to the door and opening it. "My dear lad, Jeanne called me a few hours ago…she asked me if I knew the truth," said Ducky and I frowned.

"I'm sorry, Anthony…I know how attached you became," said Ducky and I shrugged. "Did she tell you where she was moving?" asked Ducky. "France. She's going to France," I said. "Ah…her roots," commented Ducky looking around the apartment. "My…she left some of her things here," said Ducky. "She didn't have any more room in her suitcases," I commented. Ducky walked towards the picture and Gibbs cleared his throat. "Would one of you guys like to tell me what the hell is going on?" asked Gibbs harshly and Ducky turned to glare at his friend. "You would like to know what is going on?" asked Ducky. "If I didn't, I wouldn't have asked," said Gibbs. "Well, when you ran off, leaving Anthony to be the leader, Jenny assigned him a mission to get to Daniel Benoit; so she told him to use Daniel's daughter, Jeanne. Jeanne and Tony got close and Tony got too attached to this mission. Agents David and McGee were disrespectful, as was Ms. Scuito and soon—he turned to Jeanne with these feelings. She was there, and soon he turned to Mr. Palmer and I. It was need-to-know, he never said a word about it but introduced us to her," commented Ducky.

"Anthony invited us over multiple times; Jeanne truly is a great girl. She taught him how to heal and not be afraid of commitment. When you came back, like I said, this was need-to-know basis and your team was happy you were back and Tony was pushed back to a corner and in the dark. Jeanne made him feel like he was worth something and Jimmy and I tried to help," said Ducky now seriously glaring at his friend and he turned to me with compassion. "And I'm sorry about the messy ending," he said and I shrugged. "I'm going on a walk," I said grabbing my jacket and walking out of the apartment. I walked around for a lot of the day and around early evening I returned and I hopped in the shower and changed into a suit but I left the bracelet on and I walked towards my car. I drove around and around 10:30 p.m. I pulled into Gibbs' driveway. I walked inside not sure if I was welcomed and I stopped at the top of his basement stairs. "Come on down, DiNozzo" said Gibbs and I walked down and took my normal spot at the second to last step.

"Her name is Jeanne Benoit. She's 26 years old like me, she's a Pediatric Nurse. Her father was a powerful drug dealer…Jenny asked me to get close to Jeanne. Get close to her meant getting close to her father. I was eager to because I love missions. Jeanne…we began to get close. Closer than close…soon, she was spending the night or I was at her place. She began to teach me how to settle down and relax and I was teaching her how to trust all guys while she taught me commitment. Soon, I really fell for her—and nine months into the mission—she said she loved me. I felt the same way…she taught me how to say those three words," I said keeping my eyes on my shoes. "I really love her boss and I lied to her. She's gone now and there's nothing I can do," I said rubbing the back of my neck.

Gibbs stayed silent for a few minutes and I stood up. "We agreed to move in together…well, that's all there is to know" I said shrugging and turning to go up the stairs. "DiNozzo," said Gibbs gently. "I could use some help on the boat…and the spare bedroom is made up," said Gibbs and I nodded understanding. "Sometimes…when you get into a relationship and it doesn't work out right, it becomes like a broken boat. It takes time, patience and sometimes practice to fix it," said Gibbs sanding and I reached for a sander. "McGee and Ziva and Abby…we'll handle them another day. But for now…go with the grain," said Gibbs and I nodded doing what he taught me to do, four years ago while I was sick with the plague. And though I wasn't okay now, I knew I would be eventually.


	2. Abby and Tony work things out

I walked into the Navy Yard with my head held high as I forced my mask into place. Ziva and McGee weren't in the bullpen and I waved at Gibbs and I heard the elevator ping. I turned around just in time to side-step a running Forensic Scientist. "GIBBS! YOU'RE STILL HERE!" squealed Abby with a smile. She hugged him tightly before pulling back. "I'm here Abs. I told you, I'm not leaving" said Gibbs and I set down my bag rubbing the back of my head as I started up the computer to find an email from last Wednesday from Jeanne that I never saw. My heartbeat sped up and my eyes felt watery all over. I let the mouse hoover around the 'open' button for a few moments before clicking it.

_Morning honey, I hope I didn't wake you. I can't wait to see you this evening and go over wedding details. I love you Anthony Dominic DiNardo. _

_Love,_

_Jeanne Benoit-Future-Mrs. DiNardo._

I hit the exit button and stood to my feet, knocking my chair back. "Morning boss!" rang McGee's and Ziva's voices in unison. They pointedly ignored me and sat at their desks and began to work. "Problem DiNozzo?" asked Gibbs. I shook my head grabbing my back. "I thought I was over the flu—I don't think I am, boss" I said and I raced for the stairs and took them down three at a time. I burst through the front doors of NCIS and I jumped down the rest of the stairs and took off running. I ran and soon I came to a park. I slowed my pace and took in a deep shuddering breath. I sat down on a bench and took a shaky breath as I put my head in my hands. I began to rub my face trying to avoid the warm tears that ran down my cheeks. I stood up and shut off my phone and I avoided my apartment and went to the movies for a while paying in cash, then I hung around a local mall and soon it was late enough for me to hit up a local Applebee's around 7 p.m. I walked towards the bar and ordered a beer. It was slid down my way and I picked it up with a nod and let my eyes drift over to the spot where Jeanne and I usually sat.

"I've got to admit, Applebee's isn't really your place," said a voice and I turned around on the stool to see Abby standing behind me. She had a soft smile. "I've got to admit, I'm surprised your talking to me," I replied coldly turning my back to her and shaking my head. She took a seat next to me. "I've got to admit, you usually don't drink on a school night. I thought you knew better…wouldn't Gibbs kill you if he finds out?" asked Abby holding her hand up for water. "I've got to admit, I thought you were smart enough to get a hint," I replied not enjoying this. "What hint?" asked Abby finally dropping the 'I've got to admit' façade. "The hint that I just want to be alone. If I didn't want to be alone, don't you think I'd have my cell on? Or maybe, I'd have called you? But you're not taking the hint. Now maybe you will," I said forcing my voice to grow colder. Abby only smiled wider. "Nope, still not getting a hint," she said and I glared at her, causing her smile to falter now.

_Jeanne giggled holding my hand as our waiter walked off, his cheeks a dark red. "I can't believe you agreed to arm wrestle him, and I can't believe you beat him!" said Jeanne laughing and I leaned forward to kiss her. "I did it for you, babe" I joked easily as she returned the kiss. "I'd bet you did, my Ninja" replied Jeanne leaning in for a deeper kiss and I closed my eyes with a smile. This—this is love, this is what I need. Not some stupid team who are in head over heels for Gibbs. Jeanne pulled away as our waiter came. "Umm…sorry about earlier," he apologized and I laughed. "No hard feelings," I said smiling. "Let's just never have a repeat, okay?" I asked and he laughed and nodded._

"Are you listening to me?" asked Abby and I blinked the memory away. "I'm not. Want to know why I'm not? I don't care what you have to say" I said shaking my head and standing up and I went to put the money down for my drink and I made my way out of the place. "Tony—I'm sorry, okay?" asked Abby grabbing my upper arm. "Don't touch me," I said coldly glaring at her hand until I saw it release my arm and then I looked up at her. "But Tony," began Abby but I shook my head and walked away from her. I pulled up to my apartment and Abby sat on the steps. "You really aren't taking a hint are you, Abby?" I asked. "You moved. You never told me," said Abby looking up at the building. "You weren't talking to me when it happened. You were concerned about your Silver Fox and it didn't involve you so I don't think it really mattered or you had any business of knowing," I said unlocking the door and entering.

"Tony, will you at least listen to me?" asked Abby and I hit the elevator button. "Just talk. Doesn't mean I'll reply," I said finally. "Tony, I got caught up in missing Gibbs. I was a jerk to you and I was mean. I wasn't being a good friend at all and the entire time I never took your feelings into consideration but I only took my feelings into consideration. It never crossed my mind that you may have missed Gibbs just as much as we did because half of the time you acted like him without even realizing it. It got to be annoying and I know you didn't mean too…but you did. I'm sorry, Tony," said Abby as I entered my apartment and I turned to face her. "Okay," I said and I went to shut the door but she blocked it with her boot. "Are we okay?" she asked. "We will be eventually, look Abby—I just want to sleep right now," I said shaking my head. "Can I at least see your new apartment?" asked Abby and I sighed heavily before opening the door. Abby began to explore and I sat on the couch fingering Jeanne's letter. Abby came out of a room and looked at me in confusion.

"There's a room…but it obviously isn't your room…is someone living here with you?" she asked. "This is my man-cave…the woman that was living here with me…that was her woman-cave," I said choosing my words carefully. "Where is she?" asked Abby. "France," I replied staring at the TV, longing for Jeanne to be beside me, to be on the couch, cuddled in my arms, to hold her close and kiss her. "Oh! Vacation? When does she come back? I'd like to meet the girl who has convinced my big brother to move into an apartment with her," said Abby smiling. "She's not. She was my fiancée. You won't meet her," I said looking at my shoes now. "We broke up," I said. "Oh Ton—come on…don't tell me you got afraid of commitment. I'm sure it's not too late to change things," said Abby thinking out loud but I simply shook my head.

"You know the La Grand case that Jenny had me working?" I asked. "The drug dealer? Yeah—we just closed that case Wednesday afternoon," said Abby. "I had to get close to the drug dealer's daughter to get close to him a year and a half ago. Let's just say…getting close and getting CLOSE are two different things. I got attached…I fell in love with her. Last Wednesday she found out…and she walked out. I mean I tried to stop it, really—I told her the honest truth…but it was too late. I lied to her about what I did for a living and my last name for a year and a half. She's hurt now…and she walked away on Wednesday night…" I said looking away from Abby and I stood up handing her the note. I began to pace in my place. "Did you write her back?" asked Abby looking up. "I told her yes. I fell in love with her; I mean I fell in love. Do you know that I never ever fall in love? It's always a one-night stand—but I fell for her, like I really fell for this girl" I said shaking my head trying to keep the tears from falling. "I mean…just look at the mess I've made. The entire relationship is a mess and it's because of me and my decisions. I should've told Jenny I was getting too connected," I said shaking my head.

Abby stood up and pulled me into a hug. "You're strong, Tony. I know that heartbreak hurts…and if you were with her for a year and a half and really, honestly fell for her like you're saying…this won't be easy. Sure you've made a mess, but the best thing about messes is you can always clean them up," said Abby and I shuddered trying to stifle the sobs that were threatening to take over. "It's okay to cry Tony…you need to let it out" said Abby and I began to cry. "Awe, baby boy," she began rubbing my back but I shook my head. "Don't Abbs," I whispered. "Let's go cuddle okay?" she asked and in a sisterly-way she began to cuddle with me letting me forget about my problems. I fell asleep soon after knowing Abby and I were finally okay.


	3. McGee, Ziva, and Tony work things out

"Tony…are you doing okay?" asked Ziva hesitantly. I looked up from my paperwork and she was staring at me. "I'm fine, why?" I asked. "I don't know…you've been…kinda down in the dumpsters lately…" said Ziva. "Down in the dumps, but Ziva's right, Tony. You haven't been the same lately," said McGee. Gibbs looked up from his desk. "I'm getting coffee and I'm calling it a night. DiNozzo…my place, 1900, okay?" asked Gibbs. "Got it—it's Thursday night boss, wouldn't miss it," I said watching him go. "I'm fine," I said. "I conclude, Tony. You are anything but fine," said Ziva. "It's contrast…and I think you're looking for the word concur which would've meant you agreed," said McGee and Ziva rolled her eyes.

"Look, it's just been a long day," I said. "You do not correct me when I mess up anymore, Tony. You don't make jokes, you don't laugh, you keep up a professional act," said Ziva. "That's what you and McGee wanted when Gibbs was gone…now it's what you get and you two are worried? Come on, be real! How many times had I tried to lead you guys and you guys told me to grow up, or act professional or drop the jokes? Too many times. Now the jokes and childish, immature Tony is gone and you guys don't like it? Well, that's a problem for you" I said shaking my head and shutting down my computer. "I don't see that bracelet you've worn so many times…nor do I see you making secret phone calls. Did you get afraid of commitment and break it off with her?" asked Ziva. I shook my head picking up my backpack.

"If you two must know. Tony was working an undercover case for me," began Director Sheppard. "Jenny…you don't have to fill them in. It didn't involve them," I began. "They need to know, Tony. He brought down the drug dealer that one Thursday two weeks ago on his own. Do you two hear me? On his own. His mission was to get close to the drug dealer's daughter so he could get close to the father, Daniel—that was a year and a half ago. Tony got her trust immediately, which is probably more than what you two could've done while you both complained and wished Gibbs was here. Tony then balanced helping out at the Children's Hospital, being here from 7 a.m. - 1 or 2 a.m. doing his work and your work and he was focusing on getting close to Ms. Benoit so he could bring down her father," said Jenny. "Jenny…really…just stop," I began. Jimmy came beside me. "Are we still down for tomorrow night Tony?" asked Jimmy. "I'll totally kick your butt at basketball, Jimbo!" I said and Jimmy laughed easily and stood beside me, glaring at McGee and Ziva.

"Tony ended up loving Ms. Benoit and unfortunately he became too involved. He wanted out at first but I refused it. See, getting to Ms. Benoit's father, Daniel was a personal affair and I put Tony out there. Tony ended up having a real relationship with Ms. Benoit to the point they were engaged. That Wednesday afternoon when he brought down the drug dealer and YOU guys showed up late, he told Jeanne the entire truth. That evening she walked out on him. You two were making jokes about him and his girlfriend getting in a fight and whatever jokes you two are making about him stops now am I understood? Tony doesn't need it from you guys and he doesn't need the constant reminder that he made a mess of everything. You two will knock it off? And by the way, I know all the hell you two put him through. Let's say I have two Medical Examiners who were very concerned," said Sheppard patting my back. "Thanks Jen," I said. "Anytime Tony," said Jenny and she went back towards her office.

"We are teammates…why didn't you tell us?" asked Ziva. "Why did you guys deserve to know? Last time I checked when Tony needed someone to listen to him, someone to talk to him about stuff, it was Ducky, Jeanne or I there—not you guys. In fact, you guys tore him apart, you didn't deserve to know," said Jimmy crossing his arms. "When did you grow a backbone, Jimbo?" I asked smiling at the younger M.E. who's become a little brother to me. "When these two didn't," commented Jimmy. "Let's go Tony," said Jimmy. "I wish—unfortunately—I do have to talk to them," I said. "Tomorrow Tony, we'll hangout okay?" asked Jimmy. "Show up around 6 okay?" I asked and Jimmy nodded and patted my back in a farewell and he left. I looked at the other two crossing my arms in disgust. "Well…make your jokes, ask away," I said in disgust as I leaned against my desk.

"I'm sorry Tony…I really am. I didn't even realize what was happening and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have teased you ever or said anything like that…" said McGee. I shrugged my response staring at my feet. "Well…I don't know what to say, Tony—other than I really am sorry. I never really thought of you doing anything like that…and I'm sorry. I can't change my actions, but I can change what I can do in the future…and I'm sorry," said McGee holding out his hand. I looked up and glared at the hand. "I forgive you Probie…doesn't mean we're alright right now—but we will be," I said hugging me and he hugged me back and nodded with a smile. "Thanks Tony…have a good night," said McGee. I nodded and he left and that left Ziva and I. "Did you love her?" asked Ziva. "Jeanne Benoit was everything to me," I said nodding.

"Then don't let her go," said Jeanne. "She…doesn't want me, Ziva. I hurt her and I hurt her bad. She doesn't want anything to do with me. I've left emails, I've left calls…and she said it's time for her to move on…" I said. "You love her Tony—prove to her how much you love her, even if she's halfway across the world—go find her," said Ziva and I met her eyes. "Israeli Ninja—since when have you become such a love expert?" I asked. "Since I can see how much you truly love her. I know how happy she made you and you deserve happiness, Tony. And honestly, I am sorry for my actions," said Ziva and I nodded as we quickly hugged. "We're alright, Ziva…so you honestly think I should go to France to get her?" I asked. "If you honestly and truly love her. Do everything you can to win her back. Even if it means going to France just to be turned down—that proves you would go anywhere for her" said Ziva. "I might…" I said nodding and I left.

"The steak was great, Boss!" I said smiling. "Thanks Tony…how'd it go with McGee and Ziva?" asked Gibbs. "We'll be okay…" I said and he nodded. "You know though they gave you hell—they really do love you like family Tony. You are family to all of us," said Gibbs and I nodded feeling my throat close up. "This is why I need to talk to you…" I said and we went for the basement and we began to sand. "Ziva said if I really, really loved Jeanne—I should go prove it to her…go to France to tell her…" I said. Gibbs stayed silent. "I loved her…I do love her…but, what if—it doesn't work out?" I asked. "Then it wasn't meant to be—but I agree with Ziva. Go to France, Tony…go see if it's too late," said Gibbs. "Really?" I asked and Gibbs smiled and walked towards the desk in the basement pulling out a packet. "I was waiting to see if you'd ask. I got you a ticket to France two weeks ago when you told me…I didn't want to tell you—but I was waiting to see if you'd come to your senses. You leave Saturday," said Gibbs. "It's a two way?" I asked surprised. "Anytime you want to come back," said Gibbs and I smiled. "Thanks…dad" I said hugging him. "Anytime, Tony—you know this," replied Gibbs and I nodded. "The spare's made up?" I asked. "For you son," said Gibbs and I nodded my goodnight and stopped at the top of the stairs. "I…uhh—love ya dad," I said quietly hoping Gibbs didn't hear. "Love you too son," replied Gibbs just as quietly and I smiled and shut the basement door and went to the spare bedroom.


	4. All messes can be cleaned up

I walked up to the front of the apartment nervously; my heart felt like it could explode at any given moment. My palms became sweaty, the sun was beating down on me and I looked around the street—it seemed like a decent neighborhood and I looked at the note and made sure I was at the right address. I took a deep breath and walked up to the door pressing the button for the Apartment Jeanne was staying at. "Hello?" asked a woman. "Hi, I'm looking for Jeanne Benoit," I said. "She is not at home, she is at work," replied the woman in a broken English accent. "I'm a friend and I wanted to surprise her—can you tell me where she works?" I asked and the lady told me the address and gave me directions and I left. I walked towards the Children's hospital and I slowly entered through the doors. I walked towards the front desk. "Hello, I'm a friend of Jeanne Benoit's and I wanted to surprise her—can you tell me what time she gets out?" I asked. "In four hours" replied the lady, it was already 4 p.m. and I nodded.

I walked towards a local store and I bought a cheap table and then I bought two nice chairs, a nice table cloth, a candle, some wine and I hailed down a taxi and took it to the hospital in a secluded area. I waited and set everything up and at 8 p.m. Jeanne walked out talking eagerly in French to some older lady. I'd gotten us some expensive French food from a nice restaurant. "Jeanne!" I called running to where she was and she stopped talking immediately. I stopped in front of her. "Jeanne," I said looking at her. "What are you doing here Tony?" she asked angrily. The older lady looked between Jeanne and I and Jeanne smiled and waved goodbye. I looked at Jeanne; hurt etching its way across her face. "I meant it when I said I love you Jeanne," I said quietly motioning towards the table. She slowly and hesitantly followed me and I sighed. "You don't have to speak at all, but let me talk," I said.

"Your father…my Director had something against him from a long time ago. She put me on this mission to get close to you to get to him. But…a few months into it—I realized I was actually enjoying myself, I actually enjoyed being around you, I was actually enjoying our time together and looking forward to seeing you. And then…I—I started to fall in love with you Jeanne. I tried to be pulled off the mission so I could come clean to you but the Director refused it and I couldn't leave my team at that time though they were all jerks. What I told you about my father, it was all true, what I said about my mother, my school, my friends—everything was true except my career and my last name. Jeanne…our love…what we had? It wasn't fake. These past few weeks…I haven't been able to crack a smile, I haven't been able to laugh—I sit on the couch and I wish you were there with me. Jeanne…I can't live without you. I love you and I wanted to prove to you that I will go wherever you go because that's how much I love you. If you can't ever love me again, if you hate me—tell me to go…but know that my heart will always belong to you and if you want me to leave—I will. But know that you will always be the holder for my heart," I said taking a deep breath.

Jeanne breathed in slowly, taking in my words and knowing I meant them. "Because Jeanne—a coworker said if I loved you—I needed to prove it. I was going to just sit around and I honestly thought that if I left you alone—you'd be happy…but I remembered all the times we spent together and how happy you were…and Jeanne…I know you probably just can't 'forgive me' that simply—but we can try to start over, or carry on and you know everything about me—or you can tell me to leave and I will go," I said staring at her, waiting for an answer. "Because with every mess—you can always clean up. Every broken boat can be fixed, it takes time, and patience and a true love and desire to fix it" I said and I met her eyes. "I believe our relationship can be fixed," I whispered. "It's going to take time, patience and love and desire" replied Jeanne and I nodded. Jeanne looked at me and I slowly stood up in her silence. "It's alright…I understand," I said and I walked a few yards away when I heard running behind me. I turned around and Jeanne shoved me. I put my hands up and she hit me on the chest.

"I WANTED TO HATE YOU! I WANTED TO PRETEND YOU WERE DEAD! I WANTED TO PRETEND NOTHING WAS EVER HAPPENING AND THAT WE NEVER EXISTED! I WANTED TO MOVE ON! WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO COME BACK?" yelled Jeanne beating on my chest with every question. "WHY TONY?" she yelled through tears. I carefully grabbed her wrists and I met her eyes. "Because I love you, Jeanne" I replied and she began to cry and she put her head against my chest. "I just wanted to hate you, Tony. You couldn't even let me do that" said Jeanne and I kissed her forehead hugging her. "I love you Jeanne," I replied and she held onto me closely. "I love you too, Tony" she whispered and I smiled. "So…I'm staying at a hotel…" I began and Jeanne smiled. "We'll talk about plans later…" said Jeanne. I snuck in another kiss and we walked to the hotel.

I sat at the big desk rubbing my face. Three years had changed everything. Three years ago, I flew to France to admit my love to Jeanne, three years ago I left behind the only family I had in D.C. for Jeanne and three years ago I got Jeanne pregnant. I smiled to myself as I picked up the picture on the desk of my son, James Leroy DiNozzo with Jeanne holding him and I've got my arms wrapped around her and a smile on my face. There was a knock on the door before it opened. Jeanne entered with a smile and I stood up with a smile. "Hey," I greeted her as I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her. "Hi to you too…how's your day going?" she asked as I led her towards the desk so I could sit on top of it. "Great, yours?" I asked my eyes going to the picture of the NCIS gang and I. "Decently," replied Jeanne looking at the picture. "Three years…" said Jeanne. "Three years," I agreed sneaking in another kiss with a smile. "You talk to them a lot still right?" she asked. "Not as much…" I admitted to my wife. Jeanne frowned at this.

"Why not?" she asked honestly confused. "Because I love you, I love James, I love France, but I love them. They were my family Jeanne, you are my family now," I said and Jeanne smiled at this. "Well…I've decided I'd like to meet this family you've told me so much about" said Jeanne. "Them? They're in D.C. Jeanne…and if we left for D.C. I probably wouldn't want to come back," I admitted and Jeanne shrugged. "Which is why I put in my notice at the Children's Hospital, I've been apartment looking and I put down a down payment on one and I began to pack up James room today. Tony…I don't have family—you can't leave your family," began Jeanne. "Jeanne…you are my family. I'm your family, you're my wife—we have a son," I began. "But they are also your family and I was selfish for making you chose. I want you to call your director—ask for a spot on the team again," said Jeanne. "It isn't that simple," I began and Jeanne slipped me a letter. "It is that simple because I've done it for you and you're going to give her your two week beginning notice today," said Jeanne and I smiled hugging her.

"Okay, so Abby Scuito is the Forensic Scientist whose like a baby sister to everyone, Tim McGee is an Agent who is called Probie and is like a baby brother, Ziva is the Ninja from Israel who's like a hot sister, Jimmy is like the little brother/awkward cousin and Ducky is like the grandfather and Gibbs is like the dad?" asked Jeanne holding James' hand. "That's correct…relax Jeanne—they don't know I'm here yet. They'll love you and they'll love James. Believe me," I said. "Won't they hate me for stealing you away?" asked Jeanne. I chuckled at her insecurity. "Nope," I said grabbing her hand and the other hand of our son. "Come next to daddy, James" I said and I led the way in. "Tony! Long time no see!" called a guard and he let us pass through. "Let's start with Ducky and Jimmy" I said and I took us to autopsy.

"You see here, Mr. Palmer? Do you see how—Jethro, I told you. We just got the body," began Ducky not bothering to turn away. "I'd hate to think I'm greying already—babe, honey—can you look to tell me if I'm greying?" I asked in a light-teasing tone and Jimmy and Ducky immediately turned around. I smiled widely at them. "Tony!" said Jimmy running up to me. He tackled me into a brotherly hug while Ducky hugged Jeanne. "Hello dear," greeted Ducky. "Hey Ducky," greeted Jeanne with a smile. "Who's this young fellow?" asked Ducky. "Ducky, this is our son James Leroy DiNozzo" I said looking at Jimmy with a smile who's smiled widened. "Really Tony? I'm totally honored!" said Jimmy looking at the almost 2 3/4ths boy. "Hey fella, my name is James" greeted Jimmy. "Uncle Jimmy!" squealed James putting his hands up. "You told him about me?" asked Jimmy surprised and Jeanne smiled and nodded. "Grandpa Ducky!" said James reaching for Ducky. Ducky kissed him on the head and held him close. "You're visiting?" asked Jimmy hugging Jeanne. "We're back for good—I start next Monday but no one knows—we came to surprise the team" I said hugging Ducky as James reached for Jimmy again.

"You do know our next stop will be Abby," said Ducky. "Our?" I asked. "You don't think Mr. Palmer and I would let you see Abby without us? I've got to know my grandson" joked Ducky and I smiled as I reached for James who wanted Ducky again. I laughed as I took Jeanne's hand and we went into Abby's lab. "Abbs! You should turn that down!" I called and Abby turned around shutting off the music. "TONY!" yelled Abby tackling me into a hug. She proceeded to meet James and Jeanne and followed Ducky, Jimmy, Jeanne, James and I up to the bullpen after hugging me and Jeanne like five thousand times and once James said Aunt Abby he had won her heart and she took him from Ducky eagerly. "I'm just going to spoil you rotten, kiddo" she said and he laughed clapping his hands. Jeanne was nervous and I could feel her hands tensing.

"I DON'T CARE MCGEE!" yelled Gibbs obviously frustrated. "I NEED IDEAS, PEOPLE" yelled Gibbs standing up. I smiled. "It's always the spouse!" I called and Gibbs looked at me. "I mean really, Boss—it is ALWAYS the spouse," I said and Jeanne poked me in the gut. "Tony," she whispered giggling. "Seriously" I said smiling wider. "Tony!" said McGee. "Tony!" said Ziva standing up and smiling. "Meet Jeanne DiNozzo, Jeanne—meet Ziva David, Probie Timmy McGee and my boss, my surrogate father—Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Guys…meet Jeanne and…James Leroy DiNozzo" I said smiling as Ziva walked over and hugged me and shook hands with Jeanne. "These people will be having my back when I'm on the field, babe" I explained. Gibbs walked over and I hugged him close. "I've missed you…dad" I said and Gibbs smacked the back of my head. "I've missed you too. I expect you three over at 1900 tonight," said Gibbs and I chuckled nodding. "Wouldn't miss my Thursday night meal, dad" I joked easily and for the rest of the day, we hung out together. Now I was with my family—all of my family and I couldn't be happier.

**Author's note:**

**So when I decided to write this, it was going to be a one shot of Tony, Gibbs and Jeanne. But then I decided to show Tony smooth things over with Abby and leave it at that. But then I decided to show Tony smooth things over with McGee and Ziva. Then I was just going to leave it at that, but I got a request asking for Tony and Jeanne to get back together and decided to do this. I've been super busy so I hadn't been able to create long chapters like I'd like to but if I can do one or two shots or short stories like this regularly I probably will.**

**For the longest time I loved Tony/Jeanne and thought Tony/Ziva aka Tiva was stupid, but I actually love Tony and Ziva but I decided to do a Tony and Jeanne story first because I was recently watching the episodes with Tony and Jeanne and it reminded me why I loved them together, but with the producers, I'd be just as happy if they put Tony with Ziva. **** Thanks for reading. **


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